Sorry / Happy 30th Birthday!

I have been gone for so long! I have been homeless since my parents officially kicked me and Cesar out on the streets. They had also turned my phone off, I wasn't sure why they did that until I called my mom about it. She had told me that Cesar had ran the phone bill up AGAIN! He wont stop calling girls in Mexico or wherever the hell is calling them at. I am so pissed about this. He wont stop calling them! I haven't stopped crying since my mom told me he had been calling her again.
We have been living with his cousin Ortencio, which I HATE living there! None of them speak English and I obviously don't speak enough Spanish in order to have a conversation with any of them. I felt so alone until last night when I bursted into tears over the fact of hating that I was living in a roach infested house. Yesterday they even had a wild bird fly into the house. You know a house is unclean when rodents infest the surround areas. I tried to restart their Direct TV box but when I opened the back part ROACHES flowed out of it as if it was a river of roaches which is so disgusting. I am a somewhat clean freak, in the senses that bugs are a definite no no when it comes my home. I hate bugs and rodents, they are so ewww!

Oh this is a piece of my cute luggage.

This was the video I took Sunday, May 2nd, 2010!

Yes today is Cesar's 30th birthday. I am very angry with him but maybe I shouldn't mention anything to him because no one wants bad news on their birthday. I am on the borderline of leaving Cesar and never talking to him again. Anyways back to his birthday. Today is also Cinco De Mayo! Which is rather weird to meet, and actually date a guy that has his birthday on a huge Mexican holiday especially when hes from Mexico. I'm not really sure how to celebrate his birthday since I still don't have a job and I really wanted to do something special for him since 30 is one of the big birthdays. Its a shame that he has to work on his birthday, I'm sure hes not working too hard since most of the calls he had made to that slut were during the day while he was "working". Sorry that I keep going back to that subject its just really bothering me right now. I'm sure its normal to be angry when someone is cheating on you, well calling other girls/boys or whatever and spending more time talking to them than they had ever talked to you. He knows what he did was wrong but he is far from sorry. I don't think he cares at all that he hurts me emotionally.

I Miss Those Days

You probably remember the days when you first started dating your new boyfriend/girlfriend whichever the case may be with you. The days where you couldn't wait to get that phone call from them or even see them maybe at school, work, or wherever you use to meet up at. You melted when you shared your first kiss with them and their arms wrapped around you couldn't ever be to tight and you just never wanted to let them go. I just wish it would have never ended. Unfortunately the longer you date the more you find yourself into some kind of stupid argument. Its never normally anything serious but when it is and you make up it just doesn't ever feel the same as it use to. I just I could go back to the days where Chuck E. Cheeses was just the highlight of our day and drawing on each other with Sharpe's was just part of the daily criteria. But the beginning of my relationship was a lot different than most seeing as he had a long distance relationship with some girl in Texas that he had been talking to for over 6 months which was heart braking for me. I do realise that I complain a lot in my blog and it always seems like I'm bipolar or something since I go from being completely made one day to all sunshine and rainbows the next but no matter what I say on here my heart will never heal from the wounds he has caused me emotionally from the stupid dating sites he visits and the girls he constantly calls. I just don't want to let him go and be alone forever. He does have his good days its just his bad days shine brighter.

Binge Eater Alert!

I think I have an eating disorder. I have all the symptoms of binge eating which is a serious eating disorder. I mean all of the eating disorders are serious thats not what I was saying just in case one of my readers get offended. I want to get treatment for my disorder I just don't know where to start. I wonder if it woud even help? Should I waste my time? Do I really have this eating disorder or is it something else? My questions are endless and I'm not going to bore you with all of them.

Symptoms:

•binge eat more than twice a week for 6 months or more
•eat much more rapidly than normal
•eat until uncomfortably full
•eat large amounts of food even when not hungry
•eat alone because of embarrassment
•feel disgusted, depressed, embarrassed, ashamed, angry, or guilty after a binge eating episode
•gain weight excessively

I have highlighted the ones that fit my case. As you can see I highlighted 80% of the list which isn't a good thing for me.

The "Perfect" Apartment

Okay... I have found out that this does not exsist! Oh by the way you have noticed theres no picture in this blog post, mainly because there wasn't anything that just went with it. Sorry if this blog dosen't make any sense at all its mainly because my adhd is acting up due to no medication in like forever. Anyways lets try to stay on topic! Oh my gawd I am so hungry now, sorry commercial on t.v. makes me hungry sometimes. Back to the apartment stuff. I have been searching for the "perfect" apartment but it seems like everytime we get a heads up we get knocked right back down. Cesar also had an offer for a house that had 4 bedrooms 2 baths but thats just too much and the guy wanted Cesar to work for him 3 days a week in order to pay it off.

Cute Outfit!

I just love this outfit! Thought I should share =)

Actually Excited

Romantic Snow Globes by WiddlyTinks.com
I got bored and made this cute litte globe. Anyways back to business. We have to be moved out in less than two weeks so we are packing our stuff up (my parents are mad that I'm moving with him) I guess it was their attempt of breaking us up and thats just rude. We are going to be apartment hunting with his brother next week and hopefully we find something. This morning I woke up to my mom nagging about my fiance using my car to GO TO WORK! Wow hes such a bad person. My mom is being ridiculous and just wants to find something to complain about. I guess thats why Cesar is constantly wanting to stay out late ... well until we know they are asleep anyways and he leaves before my mom gets up. He truely hates her and I reay am starting to hate her. I never knew I could actually hate a family member but she dosen't like Cesar because of some stupid stuff he had done in the past, he was sorry for it and its done and over but she dosen't let ANYTHING go! That is what pisses me off the most.

I Hate My Parents!

Thought I should start out with a cute video before I get into the long story of why I hate my step parents right now. Anyways back to hating them... they have decided to give us two weeks to pack our stuff and move out or they will put our stuff on the curb. I have no idea what their problem is, they use to be so helpful but lately they could careless if we are homeless and starving to death. I swear that they hate us back or something. Anyways we are apartment hunting along with his brother and they have decided to make me the stay at home wife while they work. I don't really mind that since I will get to focus on starting a family. Also I've had another issue since I've been sick which is that I can't eat anymore, I try to and I just can't its like my body hates food now. I don't even like drinking sodas just water, can having a stomach virus previously turn you anorexic? I have no idea hopefully it can't and I'll get back my appetite (just not too much of it hehe).